after the last 4 weeks without sex, and directions to abstain only 24 hours after the IUD insertion wednesday, husband and i were gonna get back in the swing of things over the weekend.
being the ever-so-curious-about-my-innards girl that i am, i first went into the bathroom to feel out the IUD string. fishing line filament thingie: check. hard thing sticking out of the cervix: CHECK?!
an online search told me that only, like, 3-5% of chicks expel the IUD, usually ones who never carried children (you know, little cute petite innocent uteruses). clearly, that was not a factor in my case, seeing as i had three in that old bag at the same damn time and all. plus one.
this morning i promptly went in to see if the doc could push that bit back in. he was very surprised to find not the bottom of the *T*, but the ARM OF THE FUCKING *T* STICKING OUT!!
doc: "have you had any cramping?"
cg: "no, not at all, actually."
doc: "it must have taken some pretty strong cramps to turn it around."
cg: "i didn't even have cramping when you put it in."
doc: "you're probably a very stoic individual."
ummmmmm...thanks? i can't say he's wrong, really.
he pulled out my copper consolation prize, a drip of pink mucus hanging off the end.
as he was leaving the room, he said, "of course, it would happen to YOU." yes, yes i totally agree. "i've never seen that happen before," he said. no, no of course you haven't, doc!
i'm the luckiest girl in the entire universe, you know. completely and utterly charmed.
bottom line, i have to wait for my next period to get another IUD inserted. wouldn't it be the funniest fucking thing if i got pregnant in-between IUDs? wouldn't that just be the shit, getting pregnant naturally when i am finally on the road back to my life?
wouldn't that be hilarious?
Monday, March 30, 2009
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11 comments:
Oh wow. F*cking hilarious (in a IUD falling-out sort of way). Both my mother and sister (30 years apart had IUD's dislodge and got pregnant.) They say it's rare but I wonder.
At least you weren't in pain.
For the love of Mike . . . time for something to work normally I say.
Like above, mother of my high school bf got pregnant with an IUD. They never found it. (That said, this will eventually be my form of bc too, so I'm in the bewilderment camp with ya. I mean, we can put a man on the moon and we can't figure out how to stop an egg and sperm from creating a miscarriage without too many side effects? What gives?)
Fucking hilarious! Unfortunately this does NOT restore my faith in the universe one bit.
Yes. Fucking hilarious. Really.
You couldn't write it could you? Seriously I don't know whether to laugh or cry, maybe both?
I don't know about anyone else but I am so tempted to go out and buy you some baby clothes. Just because it WOULD hapeen to you.
God, you are never dull. Never.
Are you fucking serious?
Yes, I know you are. But still, what a mindfuck.
Good Lord. Charmy. I'm laughing because I don't know what else to do.
I'm speechless.
I swore I would never do an IUD as my mom and her sisters almost hemorrhaged from those fuckers.
I swear they were designed by a man. A stupid-never-had-a-womb man.
Sorry this is late, but wanted to add my middle finger along with everyone else.
XOXO--Reese
You've been nominated for the sisterhood award: http://losingkara.blogspot.com/
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