i hadn't told my daughters (or son) that my sister was going to have a baby. i didn't want to tell them someone else had a baby in their belly. there were many reasons, as you can imagine.
here's how the conversation went, on the drive to her baby shower:
me: "girls, i have to tell you something. auntie j is going to have a baby. IT'S A BOY. the baby is in her belly right now."
(i thought to stress it was a boy so they wouldn't think...i don't know...about my girl.)
a: "like your baby, mommy...but you have a girl in your belly!"
me: "no, honey, mommy doesn't have a baby in my belly anymore. she died."
e: "oh. can i have cake at the party?"
i've read it over and over in deadbabyland. the conversation will cut you like a knife and then be over with the most flippant of requests.
but they remember.
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6 comments:
That must have been hard to listen to. They absolutely do remember. They have scars just like we do.
I think they carry the memories with them just like you do, and I think the way you're handling it is a great thing. They will remember the loss, and they will remember the memories they built afterward too.
The way things coexist in their heads, death and cake, side by side, never ceases to amaze me.
Hope you had a drink at the shower.
Oh boy, do they. I wish we could turn it off/on like that, eh? What will really cream you is when they pick it out of the air, when you're least expecting it. those are the ones that take my breath away.
And she remembers every last minute. The things we don't talk about, the things we didn't photograph. All of it. Ugh.
Kids are incredible aren't they? The things they come out with can knock the wind out of you, and while you're still gasping they're onto the next topic...
Cuts like a knife thru butter doesn't it? They are so honest yet still tender in their perspective.
I hope at least, the cake was good:)
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