dear [charmedgirl],
these words are from the heart. i accept that you may not want to hear from me. shortly after i wrote you last year i received a letter of c0mplaint regarding the care i provided you during your pregnancy with p@ige. weeks later i learned that you had initiated an investig@ti0n. this news so weighed me down that i have been reviewing our time together in my mind for months. i know when we last spoke you were grieving deeply. whatever you believe i did or did not do that contributed to p@ige's death, i am sorry. the investigation has forced me to go over our many pren@tal hours together, our decisions about your care and our shared philosophical questions. all i can say is that i am sorry for your heartache and your disappointment in me. i have replayed our visits and conversations numerous times in my head. we were aligned in our approach to your needs. then tragedy struck and we were no longer. you and p@ige are never far from my thoughts. my sincerest hope is that in time you will find peace.
sincerely, [midwife who caused your baby to die]
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i could probably tear that apart line-by-line, but two things really struck me.
she only started fretting over the care she provided a few months ago? obviously my fears were correct, and she was floating over the earth like, "babies sometimes die. so sad. lalalaaa.." and she's sorry? i bet she's fucking sorry NOW. REALLY sorry.
secondly, we were aligned in our approach? she's blaming ME? last time i checked, i wasn't an OB, midwife, doula, or anything of the sort. why was i hauling my big fat ass an hour each way to see her when i could have just chatted with her over the telephone about my thoughts about birth and had my baby die? fuck her. my prenatal care was HER responsibility, and it had nothing to do with *our* PHILOSOPHICAL FUCKING QUESTIONS.
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i'm sure things are really heating up for her. the investig@t0r came to my house last week and basically told me she wouldn't be seeing anymore clients...temporarily, forever, i don't know yet. the bottom line on the note she sent was, i guess, "I'M getting in a shitload of trouble and WE agreed on your care TOGETHER." poor, poor midwife community. a few really anti-medical-establishment radicals are really spoiling it for all of you. it will all be over around may.
wait until she's notified when the lawsuit gets filed.
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i've asked husband about nine times if he was sure he didn't want to try again. i'm pretty damn sure for myself, but it's just so fucking hard to finalize it. he said the other night how he used to want four or five kids, and i asked again if he was sure. "how much heartache do we have to take?" was his response. we're happy with what we have; my IUD appointment is today. i am going to do it, and then the question, the limbo, will disappear. i hope.
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i asked the lawyer if the fact that the ivfs didn't work, the fact that i can't get pregnant again, was good for my case.
she said she's sorry; it is very, very good.
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8 comments:
OMG.
On one hand, what I would give to have a letter from the midwife who let my baby die (it could only help my case anyway).
On the other hand,what a fucking bitch. What a bitch. Really.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm glad she's not seeing patients anymore, at least for now, and I hope that she is reminded every single day of the heartache she has caused you and your family.
Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall when they get the notification of the lawsuit? I know I wish I could have been.
What a horrifying bitch she is.
It sounds like she's either shitting it or completely deluding herself. It's amazing how they dare stand back and use the shared responsibility crap. Mine even had me sign a contract saying I couldn't sue. I wish I was joking.
I hate this! I got that too, like it was part my fault I didn't know my baby was dying, despite the fact I was being cared for by supposedly a very qualified and caring Team of Midwives. It is such crap. This letter must have really stung. I'm so sorry charmed girl.
That's what struck me, too, the line about how you both chose/agreed on your care. Go fvck a tree already, lady! Are you for-serious? She's trying to blame you for the (lack of) care you received by her? WTF???????
I'm rubbing my hands together wickedly, Charmy, just waiting for the moment she's served with the lawsuit. I hope she gets raked through the coals for what she did to you and P@ige. Mostly because she has no intention, obviously, of taking responsibility for the things she did wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Dh wants to try again. I sit here with my prescription for M1rena not knowing wtf to do. I know something's gotta give, but what and at what cost?
XO.
I can't believe she had the balls to write you a letter.
I am glad she isn't able to practice for now. Your case may just make it permanent.
I hope the IUD appointment went ok. And if you change your mind, it isn't permanent.
I want to leap through the net and wrap my hands around that Bitch's...well, you get the idea.
I'm trying to convince myself that some good midwives are merely excellent patient advocates. Yours, by way of judgmental and insulting, is clearly not one of them.
The sad thing is you *should* be aligned with a someone's needs who is giving you medical supervision. Just what she thought you needed is certainly questionable.
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