Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "on having triplets":
What a BITCH. I had triplets and two of them died. I would give anything in the world to have all THREE babies. You don't know how fortunate you are. What an ungrateful piece of shit. You should be blessed beyond belief. There are so many people who have lost multiples that would give anything to be in your position. I wish every single day that I could have ALL the ups and downs having triplets would bring. No wonder your other baby died...you aren't even grateful for the ones you have. Pathetic. I'd give anything to have my triplets.
Posted by Anonymous to a charmed life? at September 5, 2009 10:25 AM
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i understand. there's not a day that passes that i am not stunned, that i don't look at them with wonder and disbelief that i am so lucky to have them all here. after paige died, i cried every day when they made me crazy with their fighting and crying and whining that i would not ever go insane with paige's madness. i understand, anonymous. i understand your need to lash out and i don't mind being your whipping post.
i'm so sorry, anonymous. i wish you had all your babies, too.
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13 comments:
The way you've responded to this is so beautiful, and I am so glad you recognize that this is just someone lashing out in their own pain.
I'm apt to think annonymous is a cow, but then that would just be me lashing out at a stranger who has said some really hurtful things to someone I care a lot about.
I'm impressed that you are more apt to see her pain than her anger. I'm not sure I'd be able to.
Everyday I thank the universe for the two children who made it out of me alive. In fact, Callum did that for me: helped me appreciate what I do have. I know Paige did this for you, too, Charmy. I know she did. XO.
When I read that post the first time, I knew that someone would give you hell for being honest. Honesty can sometimes be portrayed to some as being ungrateful, but I am sure mothers of multiples feel the same way.
Before I had Radha, I couldn't hear mommies complain about anything. They had their babies, WTF do they have to complain about?!?! But, now that I do have a living child, I can see what the complaints were about. As I kept blogging, I didn't feel I {could} complain about how hard it was or how tired I was. But, Christ, it is sometimes, no?
If you are reading, Anon, I too am sorry you lost your babies. It is totally fucking unfair.
The people who lash out the hardest are the ones in the most pain. I'm sorry too, anonymous.
xoxo. Love you, Charmy.
Anon, I am sorry for your loss. Furthermore, I am over, over the Pain Olympics. It is juvenile, it's heartless, it shows a lack of compassion. Plus if you really want to play, I'm game: I can sit here all day and find people numerically worse than you and you can sit and decide whether or not you'd like to have them come and scream at you the second you complain about being tired because you were up last night.
Everyone is right: You are bitter, and I don't blame you one bit, but anonymous ad hominem attacks on babyloss moms isn't going to get you very far either in finding support or dealing with the root of your anger.
Finally, what you really say when you spout shit like that is that Paige doesn't matter. That she's disposable. That she's like a tomato gone bad that you need to toss, but who gives a shit because you have three others sitting on the counter that are just fine. Is this really how you feel about *your* children, dead or alive? If you take a moment to experience empathy you'll realize babyloss has less to do with how many and when than it does how people feel in the aftermath. And that my friend, you have no business judging.
Charmy, you are a world of class and dignity. Keep that head high. You have nothing to apologize for.
anonymous, i am so sorry you lost 2 of your triplets. :( it is heartbreaking to lose even 1, let alone 2, babies. i lost my twins and everyday i am grateful for the short time they were a part of my life. and i won't lie, some days, reading about any living multiples is hard for me. but that doesn't mean that other moms of multiples aren't allowed to "mourn" the loss of their "normal," mother-of-a-singleton status. wishing that things were different, for whatever reason, does not mean that a mother should have lost her baby(ies). as you know from having gone through it...no mom deserves to lose a baby.
I think your reply was spot on.
It's hard to hear someone complain about something you so desperatly want.
I recently came across a notebook I used a few times as a journal when I was pregnant. The entry I found was full of questions: what the hell am I doing? Do I want this? Can I handle twins when I can't even deal with my own twin pregnancy? What if we've made a huge mistake?
Tucked into those pages was the last ultrasound taken of my boys when they were both still alive and healthy, at 15 weeks and change, when we had the amnio. Little skeletor aliens in my belly.
How many times have I tortured myself in the last 21 months, wondering if I did something to bring about their demise. Those thoughts, feelings. The unending nausea and exhaustion -- 20 weeks of it. Surely, it was all my fault?
I understand the lashing out. I, too, wondered what kind of reaction you would get, Charmy, for being so honest. Part of me wants to be angry with Anon for implying that your feelings are the cause of your loss. Really angry. I guess I am. Tears sting my eyes as I type, even.
And Tash is right, such lashing out, though understandable, is not going to get anyone the support needed after such a loss.
Charmy, your response was so generous. Thoughtful. Just like you. Thank you. XO
Your response is an excellent example of how tremendous loss can lead to important acts of graciousness by exceptional people.
You are a big person, Charmer. I'm not sure I could have replied with as much compassion as you did.
I'm touched by your bravery..responding so thoughtfully to someone who attacked you like this. I hope she read this response and was humbled by it.
Thank you for responding the way you did to "anonymous" you really gave me something to think about today! You're amazing! Not many people would react in such a positive way. Im going to go hug my babies now...thank you for teaching me whats truly important in life!
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