my dead daughter gave me my father back.
in the months since i realized my mother has narc1ss1st1c pers0nal1ty d1s0rder, we've learned that she's lied about incest, tried to convince all of us that we were molested a la munchhausen by proxy, and last but not least told my entire father's family that if they didn't cut off my father after the divorce, they could not continue relationships with us (the kids).
i saw my father this past monday, after about 10 years (if not more). he's scared shitless of my mother. he is so different than she is...he's exactly like us- my sisters and i. it makes me so sad that we've missed so many years; it makes me so sad that we've been mentally and emotionally abused by my mother all this time and had not even known it.
i'm sad that i would have let my father go to his grave without having a relationship with him without the shit goggles my mother put on all of us...and i'm REALLY sad that i got my dad back because my baby is dead. because, really, that's what happened. that's how this all went down.
how do i reconcile it all? happy, sad. my baby has given me so much, yet there's nothing i can do for her. except realize that i am her. she is me. and i'm gonna take these gifts, goddamn it.
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11 comments:
I'm so glad that out of all of this you got your father back.
I'm with Antigone. I am glad that you got yoru father back. I hope that you have time to work on that relationship and get to know him the way a daughter should know her father. Just think, this Father's Day will be so much more for both of you.
*hugs*
I am glad you have your father back. I am glad you are, too.
How bittersweet, charmed-girl. I'm happy to hear you've reconciled. It must have been a wonderful gift for him, as well.
I wish these things weren't related -- that you got your father back, and he got to meet P. too. I'm sorry it had to function like this. Thinking of you.
You know me, I don't believe baby's die for a reason, but I do believe we can take something or make something, from their deaths. If losing Paige helped you to reach out to your father or vice versa, then maybe you can get some peace from the knowledge that being a mom to Paige brought this other gift back to you.
I am glad he is back in your life, Charmer and glad you are back in ours too:)I missed you.
I'm so glad P@ige has brought him back into your life. What a gift.
*hugs*
Hope you had an ok mother's day.
I am with Kalakly. It's not that there is causality, it's what we make of it. And I am glad you have your father back.
Another one agreeing with Kalakly...I'm glad you got you r father back.
Better late than never, it's definitely a good thing to get your father back. And though maybe you wouldn't have if it hadn't been for p@ige but what's happened has happened and can't be changed, and at least something positive finally came along.
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