it's starting to happen...the one where i stare at a positive pregnancy test.
in the dream.
then i wake up.
last night, as i was enjoying the staring in my dream at the strange-looking pregnancy test with the two lines, i was jolted awake by crying from the other room. after getting back into bed, i laid there and thought, "why was i so upset to wake up??"
then i remembered.
the positive pregnancy test dream.
i haven't had them since the good ole years of straight-laced infertility.
what happens now, when there's so much more to it???
FUCK.
i'd much rather dream of my dead baby.
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9 comments:
There really is so much more to it..isn't there?... Now that we're no longer naive to the 'Other side' shall I say of the good ole positive pregnancy test
Ugh, this keeps happening to me too. I try to push away the pg test dream and bring back the dead baby dream, but I can't. That stupid, naive, joy dream overpowers it. As Rosalind said, there's so much more to it now.
The dead baby dreams and the dead baby reality do sometimes feel like much safer and easier places to be. Chasing the elusive little blue lines is such a hard place to be in, too much to think about. Way too much.
I can be mentally very strong and force myself to ignore thoughts or daydreams. When your mind messes with you and you end up dreaming about those stupid blue lines, that really seems like an extra kick in the teeth not required right now.
It's off one merry-go-round and onto the next.
I had one of those dreams last week. In my dream, I was aware of my stillbirth because, when I got those two lines, I was filled with such joy and disbelief at the same time. I woke up still feeling that way. It actually felt nice.
THAT IS SO WEIRD! Last night I dreamed you posted a picture of a positive pregnancy test on your blog, and then I called you on the phone and you were crying hysterically.
(not that I have your number, duh!)
I thought it was the weirdest thing ever! Okay, I'm totally creeped out by that.
(oh and BTW, I should have known it was a dream because when I was talking to you on the phone, I could see you holding the phone in one hand, and the test in the other , but couldest see your face, only your dark hair)
I just look at my husband and I get knocked up. It aint the positive test I dream about. It's the inevitable, unexpected rush of blood when I'm wearing maternity clothes.
I wish you nothing but sweet dreams tonight.
My goodness I just don't dream anything about my baby..good or bad. Am i numb, mad or otherwise..it could be the constant 'chatter' in my waking hours of daydreams ...long winded ones such as my baby is alive and what would he be doing etc etc...or going over some detail of his death over and over...perhaps this makes me so bloody tired i pass out. I wish I could have a witchy poo dream of him and hold him and rock him...and see his face again...
What a terrible dream. I've had them too, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing them.
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