foretold

back during my infertility days, i used to have alot of creepy dreams. many of them were about teeth; gnashing teeth, teeth falling out, teeth being pulled out (by me), loose teeth i would fear losing, and finally, shattered teeth with a whole lot of blood. i HATED those dreams. (i hear teeth in dreams signify the fear of not being able to have children. i haven't had a single one since i have...)

i also had many, many dreams wherein i would piss on a stick and get two lines. i would be so excited to have passed the test i would wake up, still thinking i was pregnant.

then there were the baby dreams. i would give birth to a baby (always alive...i mean, who ever has a dead baby anyway??) and think, "wow that didn't hurt at all!" i'd hold her a little, and then tuck her right into the refrigerator.

ummmm....yeah. i said REFRIGERATOR.

i had this dream so many times. a couple of days would pass (dream time) and i would think, "oh my god! i haven't fed the baby!" i would run back to the fridge and get her out of the vegetable drawer. she'd be cold and lifeless, but alot of rubbing would bring her back. i can't remember what would happen after that.

the second day after paige's birth, i asked to see her again. they pulled her out of the fridge and rolled her up to me. she was cold. i didn't bother rubbing her.

my brain made me practice with a frozen baby? did my body know this all along?