i think i'm getting my first period afterward.
the IUD is inserted when you have your period.
i spent all day yesterday thinking about when i should get the IUD put in. it just doesn't feel right, right now. i've gone through alot of *want a baby, don't want a baby* back and forth already, and husband and i made the decision not to try.
it's not a solid decision to make anyway, with the infertility and all. the decision is NO or MAYBE. i KNOW i don't want to go back to IVF, and so it's either NO and get the IUD, or MAYBE and leave it to chance. i am getting a tummy tuck and tubes tied in 2009, so that would be the deadline. i'll be turning 35 around the time of the surgery.
anyway, i just found myself feeling like i might need a small window of opportunity for conception. like 5-6 months. in reality that's a joke; 6 months for me to get pregnant naturally??? never happen! BUT IT COULD, theoretically. my mind (my heart?) might need to know in the future that it could have happened. i don't want to have regret later, and what can happen in a year can happen in 6 months. my best friend (i should really call her my soulmate friend) told me about someone she knows. she wanted another baby and her husband gave her ONE shot. one session without birth control...and she got pregnant.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I REALLY WANT ANOTHER CHILD. I WANTED P@IGE BUT SHE'S DEAD. does it mean that if i really wanted HER i should want another? does it mean that i didn't really want her if i'm thinking i might not want another (live) kid??? my mind is a blender.
i feel like giving myself this small chance will allow me to move on. i don't believe in fate, or *meant to be*, but in a way i do for this. if it's meant to happen, it can happen within 6 months. plus, a year and a half of "is this going to happen?" is a long time to be in limbo.
or i could get my 2nd period and run straight for the IUD.
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3 comments:
Too many coincidences between you and I :o)
I think my cycle is kicking in this week too, which I'm relieved at but also frightened about.
I am I suppose in a different situation to you, I know I want more children otherwise I won't have any in my life. But I also know I need to get myself back on my feet again before trying.
Knowing my body is starting to kick in again though leads to the temptation to just try now.
But like you say everyone advises not to make decisions, not to make plans to just be...
I'd like to see them exist in the nothingness that all that leaves us.
I wish I had advice, I don't unfortunately it's only you who can decided. But I guess I can offer you my advice to myself, don't rush, just wait it out and you'll know what to do. I do believe that when the decision is the right one you'll know.
*hugs*
Hey - just checking in again. Your post from the 23rd inspired my post for today so thanks for that. I have had quite a bit of "writer's block" lately.
Hang in there with the decision to
try again - just another not-so-fun roller coaster that is a normal part of the process. I'm currently expecting again (already 25 weeks) and havent found the words yet to describe on my blog yet another unbelievable roller coaster that I've found myself on!
These choices are so difficult, especially when there are so many variables to consider. I know that when my mind is, as you said, "a blender" (great expression, btw), I just tell myself that I don't have to decide right away and that, over time, the right choice will become clearer.
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