3-4 months clomid.
that's what he wants us to do. followed by insemination.
are you fucking goddamn KIDDING ME?????????
i feel the swishing of wind on my face as i fall into the rabbit hole...the infertility mind-fuck. i've been down this road, and it wasn't nice. can it work? maybe, possibly. can it work soon enough that i will not become a raging lunatic? maybe, possibly.
i just feel like it would be fucking around for, i don't know, 6 months.
on top of the actual treatment plan, the doctor (and then later the nurse practitioner) said, "well, you already have children so it's not like you should feel pressured. you're pretty busy as it is." FUCK ME.
what is this, some kind of joke?
i brought up the fact that i'm not comfortable with insemination because of the chance of multiples, the uncontrollably of it. i mean, ivf, you put in one embryo, there's only a chance of identical twins, a reasonable risk. he understood the fact that i would only want a single embryo transfer, but then kept saying the real risk of multiples was with ivf, not insemination. i kept reminding him, not with a single embryo transfer. DOES HE NOT GET MY STATISTICAL TRACK RECORD?????
what's happening now is, husband gets his product tested next week. that could turn all this aggravation to smoke, considering his morphology last time was bad enough to go straight to ICSI (for non-infertiles, that's where they inject the sperm into the egg). we shall see. we shall see how much of a *miracle* p@ige was after all, huh?
if he tests normal, i will have to call the doctor back. i just don't think it's feasible to drive 45 minutes each way, 3x in ten days, for monitoring for goddamn clomid for three months. also, my sister is the only one that knows about this whole fiasco, and it would be hard enough to get her pregnant ass to watch the kids for morning monitoring for ONE month, for the ivf.
husband suggested that i could take the kids with me for morning monitoring. wouldn't that be special? bringing three three year olds to a doctor's office before they would even be awake in the morning, to sit in a waiting room full of infertile women. WOULD I EVEN SURVIVE that many evil eye curses to my first pee-on-a-stick?
if the sperm comes back fine, i will push for trying on our own with ovulation predictors for 3-4 months...after all, he did say i was fertile. (insert psych ward quality laughter.)
the way i see it, i need to just wait for further testing. buy the fucking ovulation predictors and calm down. that was my plan anyway, wasn't it? get the consult, go through the testing, lose some more weight, and do this thing in june/july. so why are my panties all in a knot? maybe it was being called fertile just because i got pregnant on our own. maybe it was being told that 8 months is the normal time period for getting pregnant for someone my age (33). maybe it was because i had to think about months and months of other treatments and the insanity of that bullshit. maybe it was because i was told it shouldn't matter because i have other kids.
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE A BABY GIRL TURNING SIX MONTHS THIS WEEKEND. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE MY BABY, WHO I CARRIED FOR NINE GODDAMN MONTHS, IS DEAD. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON ALREADY AND I CAN'T, BECAUSE I CAN'T GET PREGNANT ON MY OWN.
thank god i WAS able to make another tattoo appointment for next tuesday. i like a sure thing these days.
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15 comments:
Cannot believe they gave you the "you already have kids" crap. Can't believe it. Do they know you had a baby die???
I wouldn't want to do Clomid either with your history. Not to mention, Clomid just sucks anyway. I will be crossing my fingers that other options stand up and make themselves known- and soon!
"the doctor (and then later the nurse practitioner) said, "well, you already have children so it's not like you should feel pressured. you're pretty busy as it is."
Not for nothing, but I think it's time to find another RE. I mean, if you're driving this far anyway, and he's saying you should take some unbelievable amount of time on clomid (an amount that my old OB wouldn't have allowed for, incidentally) then maybe it's worth the month to find someone else who might be more on the same page as you? You need to have the same end result in mind, or this isn't going to be a very good relationship.
Just my .02. Sorry it didn't go as expected, that's just awful. I think they were pretty unprofessional to say the least.
I don't pretend to know anything about infertility, so excuse me if I sound naiive, but...
I know once you have a kid, you are the most fertile. Maybe that's why you were able to conceive P@ige naturally. Maybe you'd be able to conceive naturally again (the cervix is open more and blah blah and if ovulation isn't an issue)
A couple of my friends were infertle for years and finally got pregnant, then they both got pregnant (one around the 4 month, one 6 month mark after their first was born) unexpectedly, because duh, they weren't preventing it because they were infertle all these years and got pregnant through invitro
Can you get a second opinion? I really think there has to be other options.
(but again, I don't know anything, so if this is all BS to you, please don't take offence)
I'm crossing my fingers for you that you get what you want (and deserve) It doesn't matter how many we have, if we are unable to have as many as we want, it's just not fair.
I can't believe how unbelievably f*cking shit that is.
How dare you want another child and not want to be waiting 8 months odd to get pregnant. One 'normal' pregnancy (no offense meant) and you're apparently no longer infertile. If only the world was that straight forward and that fair. I hope he's right and the ovulation sticks and all that pay off without having to pay some unsympathetic RE to dose you up on Clomid.
I agree with Tash and missing, get a second opinion from someone who doesn't think you should be satisfied with what you have.
I'm so angry for you I could come right over and punch your RE.
Don't do the clomid thing. If they won't do what you want, find another doctor who will.
I don't like the sound of this guy. Is he the same one you had with the triplets?
I just don't understand why he would say what he did. It makes no sense.
Oh god Charmy. This is AWFUL. I would rather drive stakes into my eyes than ever take another pill of clomid. Good god.
Honestly, I think you need a new RE. This is absurd. It isn't like you have no idea how this all works. Fuck, I was hoping you would feel positive after the appointment.
I don't know anyhting about the infertility stuff so I can't offer much except it sounds like you have no confidence in him and to me that means, get the fuck out. Anyone who would dare say to you "well you already have children..." after what you have been through, should be shot on the spot, or at least have a tongue depressor shoved up their ass. That is just a fantastically fucking insessitive and stupid thing to say.
I'm with the the gang, if you can, find a new RE, one with a heart.
I'm so bummed for you, I know you needed to hear something better than this. Just remember, he's only one person, um 1 dumbass person, and we all know that sometimes MD can also mean mind-numbingly dense.
Wish I had a comforting comment that was witty and insightful - but I'm all out. This ride totally, utterly sucks arse...
x
(Missing, just some gentle information: IF doesn't work like that. Problems that contribute to getting and staying pregnant whether they bee IR, PCOS, genetic transmutations, progesterone deficiencies, and certainly male factors don't go away in subsequent pregnancies. Sure, we all know the ol' story of the person who had three failed IVFs and the adoption papers signed who got pg on her own, but really those are freak occurrences -- like Paige. Not the norm. Sadly, most of us with the problems, need to head on back after successful births. Dealing with infertility the second time around, btw, is called "Secondary Infertility." And it's full of it's own shitty issues, like everyone wondering when the next one's going to come? Or why you're bothering since it took so long/so much to have the first? Etc.
Not going down your throat here, just wanted to put this out there for any one else. Good questions, and good information to have.)
Just like Kalakly, I don't much about this infertility stuff, but I know enough to read your post and feel like you should definitely get a second opinion! This Dr. sounds like an ASSHOLE. Not what you need right now! What is wrong with these people who don't receive medical training in *sensitivity*?!?!...oy....it makes me so mad for you.
I hope there is another Dr. out there thast you can consult that is more in line with what YOU need right now.
Your RE sounds insensitive. Do you have to continue with him? Do you have any options?
I can't believe you have to fight for the correct treatment after having already gone through all of this before.
My suggestion: you know what you want, so go in (to this RE or, better yet, a different one) and make clear that that's what's going to happen. Whatever his advice is, there's no reason you have to follow it, so he can go along with what you want or lose a patient.
In my case, I just told the RE what my plan was and didn't listen to his alternatives. My RE had a whole treatment plan that he wanted us to go through. I said, "Well, that's very interesting, but what I've decided to do is go straight to IVF." He argued a little, but I insisted and, ultimately, that's what we did.
On the first IVF cycle we transferred two embryos and I got pregnant with twins. If it hadn't been for that whole babies dying thing, it would have worked out just great.
Unfortunately, I recently had experience with an RE who is only listening to his own schema and doesn't seem to get what is important/acceptable to you. So even though I know this is strong language and sounds like assvice (probably is), I say run away. Adding in the terrible things they said to you, I say run away. Get a different RE, one who listens, cares, and understands the whole single embryo transfer thing. None of the things they said to you can classify as humane or decent. I am sorry and I say run away. Please.
Wow. What a terrible jerk. Seriously.
oh christ almighty. fucking brutal.
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