*easily one of my most despised sentiments...for thousands of reasons...****
ok so...we're doing another ivf. i've typed that a few times over the past two weeks, kinda not fully believing it. but there it is, in all its splendor...jesus christ...and an entire cycle's worth of meds. some of you (the few, the proud...yeah right) will recognize the line-up. i've seen the photo dozens of times, but still can't believe the one up there is MINE...AGAIN.
i've had a year to decide to try to get pregnant again, and also to decide why i would be a fool's ass in hell to try to get pregnant again. there are really good reasons- on the try side? the not try side? does it matter? there are NO ANSWERS. really, life and death, just simply NO ANSWERS...just what we end up doing/what ends up happening to us.
i feel crazy inside, but strangely calm. crazy, calm. faithless, serene.
at least now there can be an end. well, maybe not, probably not, NOT, but i can enjoy that thought for a minute, right? better yet, i should just try not to think at all. yeah, that's the ticket.
17 comments:
I am so hopeful for you charmy! It's like you've made the decision and you're doing it. And that makes me happy.
*hugs*
fingers crossed, charmer. i hope it sticks the very first time. i could never wrap my brain around all the reasons why or why not to do it again...all i could think about was wanting to make a baby, eff the rest of it and just go with that, that's enough. right?
I personally think it's a lovely picture. No, really... :)
I think there are no answers. There's just what you have to do. Good luck! I am so hoping for you.
Last month I found your blog and read it from beginning to end in one night. I find myself checking it everyday, sometimes twice a day to see if you have posted. I am so excited for you! I wish you the best of luck and look forward to following this journey!
It's a brave decision!! I am glad you finally been able to sort it all out and make the next move. I wish you the best of luck!
Wow. My heart blipped a bit. Nothing but good things ahead for the three of us, I hope.
You have something on my blog.
Fingers crossed here, too. I hope you only need one cycle. <3
I am glad to see this, because you didn't seem done with trying. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Holy shit, charmy, that is some arsenal.
You know exactly how I feel about you and IVF and live babies after dead babies. I absolutely just wish you some peace, in whatever way you can get it.
Fingers crossed. XO.
So romantic isn't it. Sigh. Giggle.
Jab.
I know you don't feel as though you've really made a decision as much as you've just run with a calling, but it takes guts -- certainly more than I have. I'd like to tell you that your Big Pharm Centerfold has motivated me, but I think my blood pressure just spiked.
oh man, it's such a hard decision to make, eh? Opening up to it all again... I hope your journey is a short one. :)
Steph
Wow, I'm so glad to read this. Seriously though to the uninitiated that amount of kit is seriously daunting.
I have everything crossed for you. Seriously everything.
Wow, I'm so glad to read this. Seriously though to the uninitiated that amount of kit is seriously daunting.
I have everything crossed for you. Seriously everything.
Any news?
I've been lurking for some time now and I wanted to finally comment to thank you for giving an honest view of what IVF entails. We've been considering it for a few months now, and everything I've searched for online has produced the generic "here is the procedure". I don't want the generic, textbook definitions. I want the truth.
While the loss I experienced with my miscarriage this past December is nothing to what you've been through, your words give me hope to keep trying. With two toddlers, donor insemination is becoming tiresome and I'm starting to think I'm crazy for electing to do all that every month only to see one line on the hpt. Your posts about IVF make me feel like real people are actually doing this (I'm surrounded by about a billion people who can get pregnant naturally--I know no one in the same boat as I am). So again, thank you.
Completely I share your opinion. It is excellent idea. I support you.
At someone alphabetic алексия)))))
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